You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2009.
via The Onion (Arigato, Skyy!):
AOMORI, JAPAN—At first glance, 17-year-old Misaki Nakajima seems like any other shy and submissive Japanese schoolgirl. She loves shopping, text messaging, and the color pink. But beneath her wholesome exterior lies a wicked secret: Misaki Nakajima is consumed by sexual fantasies involving sweaty, middle-aged American men.
The shy Japanese nymph enjoys fantasizing about fat fortysomethings with excessive neck and back hair.
“I can’t explain it,” said Nakajima, dressed in a pleated miniskirt and pure white knee socks. “There’s just something about American men who are at least twice my age and nearly three times my body weight that totally drives me wild.”
Added Nakajima, “They’re so hot.”
Though she finds all pasty, middle-aged men intoxicating, Nakajima said balding Midwesterners who carry most of their weight in their stomach particularly turn her on. According to the sexually inquisitive teen, she often daydreams about sleeping with a 43-year-old divorcé with poor hygiene habits.
“I like it when they dress up like middle managers,” said Nakajima, twirling her girlish pigtails with one alabaster finger. “You know, with the sweat-stained dress shirts, and the office clipboards, and the khaki pants that are 2 inches too short.”
Nakajima peruses the Internet for photos to daydream about later.
“God,” Nakajima continued. “Those get me every time.”
The Japanese nymph then reportedly sighed, rolled over on her Hello Kitty bedsheets, and continued leafing through an old Rochester Big & Tall catalog.
While she has always been curious about men who attended state college before she was born, Nakajima said she first discovered her fetish after stumbling upon a late-night airing of Uncle Buck on television—a moment the teen now describes as her “sexual awakening.”
“I was completely captivated by him,” said Nakajima, referring to the obese, unemployed character played by John Candy. “He was so exotic-looking. It was like this whole new world of pleasure had just opened up for me.”
Over the next several months Nakajima—a virgin—explored her new obsession by cutting out pictures of American men from riding mower advertisements and heart-attack-prevention brochures. The barely legal teen also discovered satellite broadcasts of ESPN2 around this time, and often stayed up all night ogling professional bowlers and competitive dart players.
Nakajima confessed to frequently searching the Internet to satisfy her insatiable appetite for round, greasy American men years past their sexual prime. A survey of her recent browsing history revealed such Google searches as “pale man lying on couch eating” and “retiree + jowls + hardcore.” The teen has also bookmarked several sites with lurid pictures of aging American males, including BuffaloBillsFanZone.com and the History Channel chat room.
According to psychologist Asuka Yasuhara of Tokyo University, Nakajima is not alone.
“It’s not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men,” said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity. “And it’s easy to see why. Sweaty, forty-something Caucasians represent the epitome of mystery and wonder to Asian teens.”
Added Yasuhara, “Plus, how can anyone resist those enormous, chafed thighs?”
Drawn by her curiosity, Nakajima has scheduled a vacation to St. Louis for early March. The trip—which falls on her 18th birthday—reportedly coincides with the American Society of Actuaries’ annual convention, a four-day event during which Nakajima hopes to be seduced by “the heavyset man of [her] dreams.”
Although she has long fantasized about traveling overseas and having a world of carnal delights revealed to her by an aging claims adjuster, the taut Japanese teen admitted that she is uncertain how she’ll be received by American men.
“I just hope they don’t mind the fact that I’m completely shaven,” Nakajima said. “Oh, who am I kidding? They’d probably never go for a naïve young sexual kitten like me.”
——–
This racism is killing me inside,
Senbei
p.s. Go to this event if you are in any way able:
[Trailer for Tad Nakamura's "A Song for Ourselves"]
A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints apparently came out in 2006 and I had never heard of it. I just caught it on-demand and I really enjoyed this flick. I recommend you check it out on DVD even though Shia LeBeouf tends to get on my got-dam nerves. Growing up in the 80’s was no joke sun.
Recognize your saints even when they look like demons,
C
p.s. The return of Robert Downey Jr. and Mickey Rourke is both awesome and hella funny to me.
I’m still letting this whole thing marinate in my head, dear people. Please trust. I have something stewie, stewin. I’ll be with you soon. I’ll jus let illdoctrine continue to speak for me until then.
["getting back to work"]
’til i am able to get well (I’m sick) and am able to get a free second (just returned to school), I will say that I may be a bit naive and coming a very particular frame of reference, but I am f*cking sick of people hating on Obama and those who celebrate his victory just for the sake of sounding cool or to be different and/or ironic. In the circles I run in, folks (myself included) tend to see what we as Amerikans know as “liberals,” to be wishy-washy, hypocritical, sucker-emcees; capable of nothing more than creating or reproducing systems of domination based on essentialist castegories of race, gender, class, sexuality, etc. and are almost, if not just as guilty as “conservatives” in perpetuating oppression, only with a smiley face donned as opposed to a scowl. (AKA John Kerry = John McCain)
With that said, I respect the sh*t out of being extremely critical of our new President and making sure to ALWAYS hold him accountable. However, to make snide remarks about people who are excited about this moment in time and to speak condescendingly of people who share in this joyful moment (especially if you are someone who claims to be thinking about the future and fighting for young people of color), is counterintuitive at best.
I personally have a plethora of qualms with Obama and his decision making, but I am also fully aware that like Jay-Smooth states above, celebrating this moment in time AND being critical of our new President doesn’t have to be an either/or situation. We can simultaneuosly do both.
Sh*t, maybe I don’t need to do another post on this after all… We’ll see.
LOVE.
Senbei
[stuntin' like my daddy]
I just returned from Washington D.C. two days ago and am still collecting all my thoughts from being at the Presidential Inauguration of Barack Hussein Obama. Until I am fully able to process this ridiculously crazy banana-ass journey/experience, I’ll be leaving you with a fantabulous vid from genius/b-boy/cynic Jay-Smooth of ill-doctrine.
["Why I'm Happy, Why I'm Not Satisfied"]
BRB,
Senbei
p.s.
[if you don't enjoy this vid, you just might be the most ancient/suckerass ninja alive.]
I’ve been meaning to do this post for more than a minute now. The homie Tad Nakamura is an insanely talented film maker of Nikkei heritage who has been doin’ the damnthing for quite some time now.
Tadashi Nakamura is a 28 year old, fourth-generation Japanese American and second-generation filmmaker. His introduction to film began when he was 9 days old and made his first and last on-screen appearance in Hito Hata: Raise the Banner (1980), the first feature-length narrative film produced by Asian Americans, which was directed by his father, award-winning filmmaker Robert A. Nakamura. Besides carrying on his parents’ work – his mother is writer/producer Karen L. Ishizuka – Nakamura seeks to tell his community’s history to a new generation.
[Tadillac on CNN @ Sundance Film Festival]
["Pilgrimage" Trailer]
[Tad's vid of Bambu's LIVE performance of "Chairman Mao"]
Tad’s latest film is entitled “A Song For Ourselves.”
A SONG FOR OURSELVES is the third installment of Nakamura’s trilogy on the Asian American Movement. The first was Yellow Brotherhood (2003), a personal documentary about the meaning of friendship and community through a youth organization called Yellow Brotherhood, which was formed in the 1960s to help youth get off drugs. It won Best Documentary Short at the San Diego Asian Film Festival. The second was Pilgrimage (2007), which tells the story of how an abandoned WWII concentration camp for Japanese Americans was transformed into a symbol of retrospection and solidarity for people of all nationalities in our post 9/11 world. It was an official selection of the 2008 Sundance Film Festival and has garnered nine awards of excellence including three for Best Short Documentary. Nakamura has a M.A. in Social Documentation from UC Santa Cruz, a B.A. in Asian American Studies from UCLA and was born and raised in Los Angeles.
It’s world debut will take place on Saturday, February 28, 2009 at the Japanese American Cultural & Community Center in Los Angeles, CA, and will feature LIVE performances by API movement-music extraordinaires, Blue Scholars, Kiwi & Bambu.
Speaking of which, click HERE to download an exclusive new track by Bambu entitled “When Will the Time Come?”
[Bambu - When Will the Time Come?]
Yonsei Pride,
Senbei
Peace y’all,
I began writing a lengthy post that encapsulated all of my feelings in regards to Oscar Grant’s murder by BART PD, the riot (at which I was not present) that broke out during the protest (at which I was present), and how fate took me out of the situation before sh*t hit the fan (my Daddy’s retirement dinner after 21 years with the West Contra Costa County Unified School Disctrict), but then I read all my homies’ different musings and thought it better to just redirect you to them. Drizzle, Jamilah, Kori, Slavename, Kiwi and PhattyBoom all had particulary thought-provoking entries that speak volumes to the bouyancy of the community I am blessed enough to be a part of. Thank you all for collectively reminding me that there are incredibly brilliant, strong, wise, courageous people out there who won’t stand for this sh*t. It means more than yall can imagine.
_____
So on a lighter note…
Jim Gaffigan GOES. I saw this dude on Comedy Central a while back and while many white comics on commercial television tend to get on my nerves due to my sensitivity to all things oppressive, and their tendency to make light of and/or contribute to oppression, Jim Gaffigan’s takes on different foods are just so stupid…they’re brilliant!
PEEP GAME:
[On Hotpockets - LOL]
[On Vegetarians]
[On Cinnabons]
[On Salad]
Hot Pockets should come with a roll of toilet paper,
Senbei
[One Vision]
2009 has already brought a plethora of joy and happiness into my life, but as we all know there can no joy without hardship, no love without hate. Life seems to be a fluctuating balance of good and evil – slamming us down just when we think we have it all figured out, and calling upon us to fight mercilessly when oppression combined with apathy makes injustice come to fruition.
I’ve been meaning to write about the issues below for some time, and finally took it upon myself to sit down and muhf*ckin git down.
Taken from the article in AsianWeek Magazine:
BERKELEY, Calif. — A weekly celebration of Thai culture and cuisine may come to an end next month, as zoning issues and complaints from a vocal group of neighbors are threatening to shut the doors of what many view as a Berkeley institution.
The Berkeley Thai Temple, formally called Wat Mongkolratanaram, has called Russell Street home for almost thirty years, but it may be forced to end its popular Sunday food offering if the Berkeley Zoning Adjustments Board denies its request for a Broader Land Use Permit on Jan. 22.
The Sunday food offering is part of a tradition that gives Thai Buddhists a chance to earn “merit” by providing time, food and donations to the monks at the temple.
“We started out very small, because it was only for the Thai Buddhist community,” said Chinda Blaschczyk, who has volunteered at the temple for almost a decade.
But word of mouth has made the Thai brunch popular among the larger Berkeley community, attracting upwards of 600 brunch-goers every week eager to exchange monetary donations for a vast variety of authentic Thai cuisine.
Complaints from a small group of neighbors have complicated what would have otherwise been a routine permit request, citing litter, parking issues and odors as reasons why the zoning board should force the temple to scale back its Sunday brunches.
(Click HERE to read the article in its entirety.)
This is a classic case of ridiculous xenophobia. If the Thai Temple was a Unitarian Church that did BBQ cookouts each weekend, I somehow get the feeling these neighbors wouldn’t complain of “offensive odors.” Some of the neighbors have made claims that the Thai Temple puts “addictive substances into their food.” That shit is called garlic and onions, u sh*tner….
*SIGH*
Here is a word to the East Bay Anglo bretheren who reside in this community and are working to shut down the Temple:
If you are afraid of anything that lies outside of a white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant, homogenized Amerikan identity, it probably wasn’t a great idea to live in Berkeley you ignorant jerkfaces. Working to shut down a landmark like this in Berkeley, CA under the guise of “zoning permits” is some racist, scurryass bullsh*t, no matter which way you slice it.
I think most people know Berkeley for being “radical,” “against the grain,” and all that, but as all of my homies from Berkeley will tell you, there is an underbelly of socio-economically privileged folk who are intolerant, ridiculously conservative and scared to f*cking death of anything and everything different from their Marsha Brady/Cosby Show lifestyle. I am working on having attention for people like this because simply blasting them does not usually equate with changing their minds, but F*CK… Until I get better at that: F*CK yall blud…seriously. F*CK yall. Try using the blessings in your privileged lives to love and serve others instead of bathing in entitlement. In the words of my late Bachan: “Honestly…”
_______
MURDER WE WROTE: THE GAZA STRIP
[Democracy Now: Gaza Strip Report w/Amy Goodman]
Israeli F-16 Attack Kills Father of Palestinian Journalist; Israel Bombs UN School, Killing Three
The UN says around a quarter of the dead are civilians, but that figure only counts women and children, excluding adult males. Today, we will look at one of those men killed. I am joined by Fares Akram. He is the Gaza correspondent for The Independent of London. His father was killed in an Israeli F-16 attack on Saturday. His wife is nine months pregnant. We also speak with UNRWA’s Christopher Gunness on the Israeli bombing of an UN school that killed three people.
[Took this in front of the Israeli Consulate Building in SF during a Protest of the Gaza killings last week]
The constant, unbroken support of Israel by the American government is simultaneously frightening, sickening and heartbreaking. The homie Phatty has a great post on this story.
From where I stand and from what I’ve read, Israel’s unabashed hypocrisy, terrorism and genocide of the Palestinean people seems to be a built out of fear from being targeted for destruction during the holocaust and being met with with contempt/Anti-Semitism no matter where Jewish people have gone in the world, combined with outright racism, classism, xenophobia, Islamophobia and oppression.
One might infer that a group of people who have suffered so cruelly under Hitler and the Nazi regime might think twice before perpetuating the same type of unfettered hate and cruelty. It is as Arundhati Roy states, “a failure of the human imagination.”
[This sh*t is REAL. Please stop looking away.]
________
OSCAR GRANT – R.I.P.
[Oscar Grant, 22, was killed January 1 in a shooting at a subway station in California's Bay Area.]
(CNN) — A New Year’s Day shooting in which a subway police officer fired a deadly shot into the back of an unarmed man has the San Francisco Bay Area demanding answers as authorities appeal for patience.
“It’s a clear shooting in the back that should not have taken place,” Burris said, characterizing the incident as a case of “overagressiveness by police.”
KTVU obtained at least two videos of the incident and its prelude. One video, which KTVU reported came from a train passenger who wished not to be identified, shows three young men against a wall in the crowded Fruitvale station.
[KTVU Coverage of the ACTUAL shooting.]
I’m f*cking speechless. All I can say is that BART PD PIGS truly need to reassess their training regiments… There will be a Protest TOMORROW, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 7 @ FRUITVALE BART STATION FROM 3pm-8pm. Please try to come through and show support if you are able.
________
It’s a New Year and we appear to already have our work cut out for us. Let’s MOVE.
To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.
-Arundhati Roy
Get Up, Stand Up,
Senbei
[Sen 'n wifey @ an Xmas party feeling real mannish w/ our spanish...Yes, someone def bought fake moustaches to the "white elephant" gift game.]
FELIZ ANO NUEVO ColinResponse readers (ALL 5 of yall)!
I brought in the new year with my dearest friends and family last night and continue to feel blessed and amazed as I watch the love between my partner and I grow and deepen. I must say that since the passing of Prop. 8, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth to call her my “wife” when I know so many people in love with each other are kept from doing so by fear, hatred and oppression. Amerika still has a plethora of zillions of light years to travel in 2009.
I’ma start this entry by talking about my hopes in 2009 for myself, my partner and family, and my artist/activist/educator/freedom fighter community…
It seems about that time (I’m a lil late) to end the days of young ‘n hyphy transition to grown ‘n sexy, to being full-time grown ‘n sexy (not a bad look!). The majority of my resolutions include treating my body better and working harder to not allow myself to be duped into thinking I am rewarding myself after a hard day with a bleezy, a bacon cheeseburger and a 6 pack of Tecate =T.
My hope and prayer for you all is that we all work on taking better care of your minds and bodies. I realize fully that the pressures of capitalist society can make it seem as though celebrating with self-hate makes sense in many cases, but I hope you will join me in reevaluating how you treat your “star player.”
[Blud...I LOVE when I catch cats looking at me w/the "stomach virus" face! =D Buahahahahhaa!]
2008 was the most memorable year of my lifetime thus far by leaps and bounds. Let me run down the muhf*ckin top 5:
1. Married Emalyn (Best decision of my life! I love you more and more each day, baby. You are amazing.)
2. My Bachan passed away (rest in peace you beautiful godzilla-queen of a womyn! u are always with me!)
3. Began my pursuit of an M.A. in Asian Amerikan Studies (and with it, the deepest, most expansive look into my own identity and the world that shaped me…)
4. FINALLY completed my first solo Hip-Hop LP with the help of my Dynamic Soul lil bros, Akiyoshi and Kumar. (Thank you!)
5. Ended my 3 year tenure as Coordinator of the “Soaring Falcon Club” After School Academic Intervention Program at Gallinas K-8. (I miss my youngsters so gotdam turribly! I miss having health care too… =T)
I am eagerly looking forward to seeing what this new year will bring. I wish you all peace, love, bountiful blessings and the strength and wisdom to know when and where we all need to step our individual and collective games up. Let’s shine in ‘09!
[Little Dragon - Constant Surprises (Senbei Remix)]
(right click and “save as” homie!)
A New Years MP3 gift: “To you forever, from me to you…” Please know about LITTLE DRAGON. Hella stuey props and thanks to Drizzle for putting your brother on! I effin LOVE these folks. The lead singer of Little Dragon, Yukimi Nagano is also a mixed heritage Japanese/Anglo musician like yours truly and even if we are both co-opting Black culture, you gotta admit: sh*t don’t sound half bad right??? =P (Yes, I am an idiota).
Thank you for reading and responding to my calls good people.
['08 was a BIG year. Me thinks this couple might agree with me.]
Brolic when I flaunt in the songs that I spawn and you can call it what you want, this is ColinResponse…
LOVE.
Senbei
p.s. Be in tune with your “STAR PLAYER” and say something nice to yourself in the mirror each morning!!! That sh*t makes a difference blud! =)
